Bend Over and I'll Show You

A Month of Horror: The Gate

2009-10-15T15:18:00.004-04:00

The Gate:

Wow, I have such fond memories of this movie. I remember being at school one day and overhearing my friends talking about this scary movie called "The Gate" and how awesome it was. I was so intrigued that I walked all the way to Network Video and rented the VHS that day and watched it that night by myself in my parents room.

Now you have to remember that my parents were pretty laid back when I was growing up about movies that I was able to watch, and that included horror movies. In fact, Network Video had a note from my parents saying that I was able to rent horror movies and Rated R movies.

So I got home and after dinner I locked myself away and put the movie in. Up to this point I had seen Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Those were both pretty scary, but nothing too bad.

I really enjoy this movie, it is definitely an 80's throwback in every way. The hair styles, the clothing, the shoes, all scream 1980's. There is one thing that is ageless though throughout the movie and that is the story. It preys on the fears of kids. The unknown and unexplained, all topped off with an annoying older sister and no parents around.

The movie focuses on a family, specificaly a son and daughter that are home alone for an extended weekend. Over night, a tree gets struck by lightning, and a series of events occurs following the lightning that leads to the opening of a gate to another world in their own backyard. The demons coming from the gate need to make two human sacrifices so that they can make hell on earth.

Now one of the cool things about this movie is seeing Stephen Dorff as a young kid. It is almost hard to recognize him buried in 80's style hair and clothes, but it is definitely him. This movie does a great job of setting up the story and the character development. The FX are not the greatest, but definitely what you would expect from a pre-CGI era of movie making.

This movie is rather fun to watch, and I would think that kids over the age of 8 would probably be able to watch it, but they definitely will stand a chance of getting pretty scared.

Verdict: Definitely a must watch, for a family horror movie. With the new release of this finally on DVD, I would say it is a must own.

Halloween = Horror Movies

2009-10-14T12:59:00.004-04:00

So it is funny to me how people can love the same things in different ways. When I talk to other people that love Halloween it is always interesting to me to find out what they love about Halloween and how it is different than I do.

For example, my wife and I both love Halloween. Now we both love the trick-or-treat aspect with our kids, and we also love the dressing up for Halloween parties and going to those as adults. Although with kids, that last part doesn't happen nearly as much as we'd like. We both also like the decorating of the outside of the house with tombstones, skeletons, ghosts, and noisy (annoying, but fun) mummies and zombies. But more so than anything else, Halloween to her is shopping at Halloween stores and looking at all the different decorations they have out that year, and some of the costumes and those things. Myself, I really like Halloween for the scare factor and the mysticism that is involved. That is exactly the stuff she does not like about Halloween. This is what cracks me up. How we can both love the holiday and not love it in the same way.

It is just funny as I talk to neighbors that "love" Halloween, but they don't decorate the outside. They "love" Halloween, but they do not like horror movies. They "love" Halloween, but they do not enjoy the parties or dressing up. It is just interesting how so many people can love something, but love it so differently. I heard an amazing statistic that Halloween is the second-most profitable holiday to Christmas. So it must be true that people love Halloween. I guess there are just so many components to Halloween that can attract so many different types of people.

Now as I mentioned, my love of Halloween centers around scary movies and trick-or-treat. It is awesome that this time of year all these DVD's and Movies come out to get me in the mood. It is pretty funny that I do not care too much about scary movies until around late September. That is why every year I have a horror movie festival in my man cave, leading to the Month of Horror this year.

A Month of Horror: Trick 'r Treat

2009-10-14T10:09:00.002-04:00

Trick 'r Treat:

So this is a movie that I knew nothing about going into it. This movie is set in Warren Valley, Ohio, home of a fictional Halloween city festival. The movie consists of a few different stories that seemingly are not related. Some of the characters in the movie do cross paths here and there but there is really no other crossover in the stories.

I had read about this movie on the internet and how it really did not do much. There was a lot of talk about how this movie was not available to a lot of people and complaints about how it is just now becoming available on DVD and video. I rented this one on Apple TV and I have to say that it was mildly entertaining at best. The acting and the camera work is all professional and there are really no complaints there. The movie does a decent job of stying creepy as the entire thing happens over one Halloween night so it is dark out and not well lit since a lot of the movie occurs outside.

It seems that the main point of the movie is to respect Halloween, and those that do not will be punished in one form or another. Even though there really is not one particular villain, the character on the front of the poster is the central character that seems to be lingering in all the stories. There were a couple of clever story twists, and like I said it was mildly entertaining, but the movie really did not do anything for me, and was definitely not scary.

Verdict: Rental only. Do not buy unless you have some ridiculous amount of money and do not mind losing $15.

A Month of Horror: Drag Me To Hell

2009-10-14T08:52:00.004-04:00

Drag Me To Hell:

The first thing that I want to say is that scary movies generally do not scare me too much. I love them, but it takes a certain kind of horror movie to really get to me. Those types of scary movies tend to be the ones that deal with spiritual subjects or those of a paranormal nature.

Now this movie has three things going for it right out of the gates for me. It has Justin Long, who may not be the best actor, but I think is pretty funny and I enjoy how he delivers his comedy. It also has Alison Lohman, who I think is pretty hot. In addition to that it also deals with curses and demons. I am a sucker for this type of movie, not to mention the fact that they scare the hell out of me.

This one was no different. Alison Lohman's character plays a loan officer that refuses a loan extension to an aging gypsy woman. After a few encounters with the woman, Lohman's character becomes cursed by the gypsy woman and the freakiness ensues. In his return to horror, Sam Raimi does a great job of mixing in the disgusting with the genuinely scary paranormal fare. I love the fact that Raimi doesn't fall into the normal horror paradigms. A lot of horror movies rely on dark and creepy atmospheres to achieve their scares. Raimi does not do that, in fact, a lot of the scares are in the middle of the day, and with perfect lighting.

Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of "make you jump" frights, and some disgusting moments that are very cringe worthy, but where the movie succeeds is in the way that it sets a tone early, and keeps it running throughout the entire movie. The acting is above average for a horror movie, and in fact, even the over the top performances seemed to fit perfectly into the overall story and tone.

Verdict: Definite must see for both the casual and loyal horror fan

A Month of Horror: The Ninth Gate

2009-10-01T18:38:00.003-04:00

The Ninth Gate:

I guess with the stories in the news the last few days, I thought I would choose a movie directed by Roman Polanski so that I could try and see why the idiots of Hollywood are making such a big deal about forgiving a man that raped and sodomized a 13 year old girl. I mean, the guy may be talented, but really?

Polanski is best known for movies like "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown", the former thrusting Polanski into the limelight, and the latter rewarding him with Oscar fame. This movie however has only one thing going for it, Johnny Depp. While watching this movie, the uneven pace really kept urging me to take the movie out and disregard this entry into the Polanski catalog, but something kept me tuned in and it wasn't until the movie "jumped the pentagram" before I figured out the only redeeming factor in this movie was Johnny Depp. His performance was the only grounded work in the entire film.

I think that either Depp was the only one in the movie that knew how to act, or he was the only one in the movie that did not see eye-to-eye with Polanski's over-the-top visions for this movie. If only everyone else was on the same page as Depp was in this movie, it could have ended up being as good as some of Polanski's "A" material, but even with the strength of Depp's performance, this movie has trouble qualifying for Polanski's "C" team. That being said, a "C" Polanski film is still better than most directors' "A" games.

As bad as this movie really is once you take a step back and look at it objectively, during the viewing of the movie you cannot help but be a little sucked in by the tone and pace (Even though a lot of the pacing is uneven and irritating, just as it picks up, it drops off and leaves you hanging). I mean, what other movie could you see so many scenes of the main character looking through the Yellow Pages and still be sitting on the edge of your seat. When the pace is fast, the movie seems to work; the problem is that the pace is not very fast for very long at any stretch.

The absurdity is at its worst when one of the climactic scenes only reminds you of Rosemary's Baby. I guess if you haven't seen that classic, it may work, but since I have it was more of a distraction than anything else. In the end, Polanski's over-the-top direction seems to overcome Depp's great acting, pulling Depp over the edge of the ravine that Polanski had been tip-toeing on the entire movie. Let me just say this, if the court of public opinion has anything to say as to whether his talent is good enough to clear him of a decades old rape conviction, then keep them away from this movie.

Verdict:

Movie - Guilty Pleasure

Polanksi - Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200

A Month of Horror: The Unborn

2009-09-30T12:56:00.003-04:00

The Unborn:

This is definitely a case of the posters actually being better than the movie. When I saw the previews for this movie I thought to myself, "this movie looks like it has some potential". The problem is, nowadays it seems like directors and producers spend more time designing a trailer than they do designing a movie.

I think that Hollywood has figured out if you can trick some kids into going to a movie for one weekend, and you can make a movie for less than $20 Million, then between the first weekend take, and the DVD sales and rentals afterwards, you will make a profit. The problem is that we are a population that loves to experience something as soon as it comes out, or before in the case of other people. So word of mouth never gets a chance to ruin a movie because everyone has to see it first.

Well I am glad to say that I never wasted my money to see this in the theaters. I saw this movie on DVD rental and swiftly mailed it back after viewing. Why is it that all horror movies seem to feel the need to put in a scene where some character in the movie has to contort themselves into another shape, and then crawl around after someone. This happened at least three times in the movie, once with an infant, once with an old person, and once with a dog. Ridiculous.

I will say that this movie has a great jump factor to it, but that is about it. The story is ridiculous and so are most of the scenes. Definitely not a good movie, you already saw it when you watched The Ring, The Grudge, The Messengers, or basically most movies that have been made in the last 5 years, since Hollywood horror movies started trying to be like Asian horror.

John Hughes

2009-08-07T18:06:00.002-04:00

I just got done reading a really well written tribute to John Hughes that was written by a woman that grew up being a pen-pal with John during her younger years.

http://wellknowwhenwegetthere.blogspot.com/2009/08/sincerely-john-hughes.html

I think most of the people my age can say that his films have had some sort of impact on their lives and in the way that they viewed the world. This blog article just goes on to show that there are true auteurs and real people doing good work in Hollywood.

2009-06-16T14:06:00.001-04:00

Gateway to the West

2009-04-28T17:45:00.003-04:00

So I guess I am wondering if it is really a gateway to the west if you just stop in St. Louis. Don't you have to continue on to at least Kansas City for it to be considered the gateway to the west? Maybe I am just overthinking it. Anywho, I find myself at the USDLA awards in St. Louis and even though the weather is terrible and overcast, the view from the ceremony is just outstanding (However this view would make it a gateway to the east).

Regardless, I ended up having to drive here due to the time constraints of my schedule and the lateness of the ceremony, which actually led to a nice Griswold-esque trek that included a soundtrack that I loaded up for the trip, complete with Holiday Road from the movie. After listening to that song five times I realized that without the movie or someone there with you to enjoy it, the song actually sucks. Oh well, another moment that just did not deliver compared to how I had built it up in my mind.

So after that little segue, I should probably get to the point of this entry. I encountered many parts of the interstate on my westward journey that only had two lanes in the westbound direction. This is infuriating to anyone that is traveling more than an hour in any one sitting. I am not sure what it is but whenever I need to travel anywhere, all the looky-loos come out of the woodwork and decide they need to be in the left-hand lane. Then throw in a nice thunderstorm and some heavy downpours and you end up with "Freeze-Dried Idiots"... just add water. I just don't get it... I don't have a problem if you do not like to drive in the rain, or if your vision does not accommodate the driving required to maneuver while you are driving in the rain, but please do not make everyone else that IS still comfortable driving in the weather pay for your uneasiness by staying in the left lane. MOVE OVER. I wish that all phones came equipped with a built-in emergency phone that had the phone number of your license plate so that you could prank call those morons while you are driving behind them.

I have talked to many people that say they prefer to drive in the left lane because they do not like to get stuck behind people, but while in the left lane they go below the speed limit. What I do not get is why police officers do not give those people more tickets. Those people are causing bigger hazards on the road than people speeding. Disrupting the flow of traffic due to slow driving is ridiculous. On that note, I also think that it should be illegal for semi-trucks to drive in the left lane when there are only two lanes of traffic.

I guess the real solution would be to make sure that every interstate has at least three lanes of same-direction traffic on each side of the median. One can dream.

Los Angeles, here I come

2009-04-14T21:25:00.001-04:00

After a long hiatus i have reloaded the blog writing app back onto my iPhone. I really got into this last year and got way too busy to keep up with it. I am hoping that having the app on my iPhone will help me get back into it.

I will be in Los Angeles the week of May 18th. The company is having us come out for training for one of our new products. Last time I was out there we had a really good time. I am sure it will be fun but most of the week this time is gong to be set aside for training.

On a different note I am going to try and take Jacob paintballing this weekend for his 11th birthday party. I have to call the splatter park to find out if 11 is too young. I hope not because he is pretty excited about it.

Anywho, that is all for now. Just trying to make it through this crappy spring weather so that I can enjoy the new patio furniture in the backyard. If all goes well, I'll be eating outside this Friday.

Ahh, she earned it!

2009-01-16T15:28:00.001-05:00

I guess she wore herself out the other day.

Ahhh... To Be a Dog

2009-01-06T18:12:00.000-05:00

The real question is "If you could do this would you ever leave the house?" I mean obviously you would have to go out to get groceries and essentials, but seriously.

I think the real reason my dog is doing this is because she was just licking me and she wanted to get the taste out of her mouth.

Great Scene from Spies Like Us...

2008-11-11T22:27:00.001-05:00

In getting ready for the Holiday season ahead, I am going to dust off the Checy Chase classic Christmas Vacation, and to get in the mood, I watched a littl Spies Like Us. I miss these days of Chevy Chase

Good Times...

2008-11-06T23:21:00.001-05:00

I love the movie Old School, and a friend of mine just sent me this clip...

In-N-Out, Went In Then Out

2008-11-05T10:14:00.003-05:00

Wow, talk about a heart attack waiting to happen. On my way to the airport from Los Angeles, I had to make the obligatory journey to the ever famous In-N-Out Burger. Not knowing all the special codes to ordering at In-N-Out I was lucky to have an insider there who knew all the special handshakes, and told me to order "Animal Style". Not knowing what this meant, I worried I was about to be taken into the back room where a banjo would be playing while a red ball is shoved into my mouth with someone in the background saying "Bring out the Gimp". So assuming that only happens in the movies, I boldly ordered Animal Style and crossed my fingers, and subconsciously clinched my butt cheeks.

Needless to say I did not wake up in a back alley with a sore backside and the smell of ether on my breath, so it was a win from that perspective. I am never disappointed when that does not happen, so my trip to the airport was rather uneventful. If you have never experienced Animal Style before from In-N-Out Burger, I highly recommend that you pick one up if you have the means. I just don't recommend that you do it right before you get on a 5 hour flight. Poor planning on my part. So as I am boarding the plane, I feel the notorious stomach gurgle that tells me everything in my digestive track instantly became liquefied and is going to need an emergency evacuation within the next half hour. Problem is, the first leg of my flight home was a two and a half hour flight. I do not know about you, but dropping a dos (Spanish for poop) in an airline toilet is not my idea of a good time, for me or the other passengers.

So fresh out of Depends, I decided to fight the good fight and do the male version of Kegel exercises contracting and relaxing the sphincter muscle so as not to leave an unwrapped present on the airplane seat. Let me just tell you, that a two and a half hour flight is already long, but a two and a half hour flight when you are on the brink of having a blowout so intense that it could spark the FAA to permanently ground the plane is even longer. The good news is that I made it to the Dallas Fort Worth Airport with a little time to spare, and the bad news is I think the bathroom attendant can forget about mom for a while, because he has something new to talk about with his therapist.

Day Ten: It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

2008-10-31T20:38:00.004-04:00

So I thought I would zig when you thought I would zag, and by the suggestion of a friend of mine from work, I decided to mix it up a little and go family-style with my last review of the 10 Days of Horror. There is something charming about It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Maybe it is the background elevator music, or the poorly drawn backgrounds, or the fact that Charlie Brown gets shit on at every turn.

I am not sure the reason, but I have been watching this every Halloween ever since I was a kid, back when it was on CBS every year, and then on DVD for the last few years.

There is so much to love about this show that I am not going to go through it all here, but I will touch on a few of the things that stand out to me every time I watch this. For one, this episode includes a brief glimpse at the Snoopy vs. Red Baron rivalry that I have loved ever since the Royal Guardsman song that I used to listen to back on my record player from when I was a kid. I loved that song so much that I ruined the record that I had by listening to it over and over again. I used to sit on the top bunk of my bunk beds and pretend that I was Snoopy going after the Red Baron. I would play the song on my record player, and hop up onto the top bunk of my bed, and when the song was over, I would start it all over again. I also love the multiple-eyed ghost costume of Charlie Brown that has become so iconic for peanuts, there is the "pull the ball away from Chuck as he tries to kick it" hoax that appears in almost every episode of Peanuts. I love the pitter-patter sound of the kids when they run, and the "excitement" audio track of all the kids talking at once.

There are not many cartoons made like this today, and I am not referring to the artistry, but more for the story and the non-pc nature of the series. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of cheese on this biscuit, but it does not prevent me from falling in love with this show every year when I watch it. If you could not tel from the review, I highly recommend watching this one.

So concludes my 10 Days of Horror... or I guess 9 Days of Horror, and one day of Halloween nostalgia. See you next year.

Day Nine: The Blair Witch Project

2008-10-31T11:51:00.007-04:00

I will be the first to admit that I totally got wrapped up in the hype of this movie leading up to its release. In my opinion this movie had some of the best marketing to ever accompany a movie. I think the biggest problem with this movie is the people that did not get into the web hype that built up before the movie was released in the theatres.

The thing is, the movie was presented to people as a real-life story of three documentarians that went off in the woods in search of footage of the Blair Witch of Burkittsville, Maryland. A web-site was launched way before the movie was released, to stir up interest in the movie. The web-site had "unedited" video content to show some incidents and interviews of people that came into contact at some point with the people making the documentary. The website also contained tons of information on the mythology of the Blair Witch, and the history of the "real-life" accounts and police reports that led to the mythology. I knew soooo many people that bought into the chance that this may be a true story. The only mistake that the movie-makers made, in my opinion, was to have the actors and actress playing the documentarians make an appearance on the David Letterman show a day or two before the movie released.

Sitting in the theatres on the first day it was released, I was surrounded by tons of people, more than half of which believed that this was a true story. I do not want to spend the time in this blog about how people actually believed this was a true story, but still think that was brilliant on the movie-makers part, to know that the population would believe that the story was real.

The movie on its own is only marginally good. It is just some kids walking around the woods getting into arguments and hearing noises at night. It played heavily on the hopes of the website building the premise and the mood, which worked during the initial theatre run of the movie. Watching this movie again, I began to get pulled into the original spectacle that was the Blair Witch. I can imagine that if someone did not get to experience the original website before the movie was released back in 1999, then the movie is probably pretty boring and even irritating up until the movie pick up around 45 minutes in.

I am pretty torn about this movie, mainly because I am now watching it almost ten years after it was released, and a lot of my feelings about this movie are related to that original experience leading up to the theatre release. The movie does play on your emotions. If you have ever been camping, then the thought of getting lost scares the hell out of you. If you have ever heard noises in the middle of the night while camping then you also know how scary that is. The movie on the surface is not very scary until the end, and each character does a pretty good job of being realistic in their meltdowns and paranoia. I find it hard to recommend this movie, unless you have already seen it in its originally intended context with the website supplement.

Click here to view more reviews of The Blair Witch Project

Day Eight: The Lost Boys

2008-10-30T15:02:00.003-04:00

So when I was 13, I was introduced to the world of vampires through the movie The Lost Boys. Now, when I was 13, this movie may have been the coolest movie I had seen up to that time. For a boy of that age, it was oozing with coolness and just made you want to become a vampire, even if it meant dealing with longer finger nails, bad breath, and sleeping all day. At the time, it would not have changed the way my summer was passing anyway.

Rewatching the movie has not really changed anything for me. I still think it is simmering in a nice coolness broth that keeps the movie afloat and makes you forget about the absurdity of the story. Besides all the jokes that may surface about the presence of the brothers Corey, this movie cannot help itself, it is just utter coolness.

So if you followed the career of Kieffer Sutherland, you know that he has peaked in popularity two different times in his career, and this movie may have been the apex of his first brush with ultimate badass stature. The second being during his run of 24. Obviously the brothers Corey took a different career path after this movie, both in the wrong direction, but that is another article waiting to be written. One of the things that I like about vampire movies (when they are good vampire movies) is that there is no set mythology when it comes to vampires. There are some pretty standard things: going out in daylight, garlic, stakes to the heart, etc. But even those get changed from story to story (see Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series). So accepting that the mythos changes from movie to movie is a pre-requisite for enjoying a good vampire movie. The Lost Boys follows most of them and they even use them as heavy plot devices throughout the movie, and as part of the story.

I will say that I could probably watch this movie 100 times (and I probably have) and it would still be cool and not get old to me. It is really hard to pinpoint the reasoning behind the movie's draw, but I think that it has something to do with the actors/actresses that play the characters are all good. Jason Patric, Kieffer Sutherland, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Dianne West, Jamie Getz, and Edward Hermann at the time was not too large of a cast, but in retrospect turns out to be a great group of actors/actresses that keep the movie grounded.

The movie seems to use a lot of the stereotypical horror movie components: Dark lighting during situations that would most likely be well lit, the kooky older character that ends up knowing more than he lets on (grandpa), the off-balance characters that seem to know too much about the situation to keep the plot moving forward (Frog brothers), and the hot girl that lures the characters into action (Gertz). All-in-all, this movie is deeply enjoyable with a good mix of scares, humor, and connection with the characters. I highly recommend this movie.

Click here to read reviews of The Lost Boys

Day Seven: Amityville Horror (1979)

2008-10-30T14:17:00.004-04:00

So cruising along through day seven of the ten and I am starting to get comfortable again. I think that I am starting to realize that older horror movies do not age well. Maybe it is something about the music, the effects, the 70s style porn hair and clothing, but for some reason to me these older movies just do not age well when it comes to the fright factor. I think there is an exception to this from time to time, in the cases of movies like The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, Psycho, and Suspiria, to name a few.

I decided to watch Amityville Horror to see if this could also be an exception to the rule when it comes to older movies. Now I have not seen the newer version with Ryan Reynolds, so I do not know how well the material and story has done over the years, but the 1979 James Brolin/Margot Kidder version does not hold up well in my opinion. Again, this is my opinion, but I honestly had a hard time not laughing at points in this movie.

Normally, the scariest movies in my opinion are the ones that deal with religion and/or emotional issues. I am not usually frightened by the "chasing you through the woods" or slasher style movies. If there is paranormal involved, and things outside the realm of the normal, that usually has the best chance of getting to me. That being said, this movie does play heavily in the religious/demon realm and yet it did nothing to disturb me in the least. Granted if these types of things were happening to me in real life I would probably need to strap on some Depends.

My problem is not in the fact that these types of things just simply do not happen in real life, because that is part of the attraction in my opinion, but my problem is when the human responses do not seem to be very realistic or authentic based on the events happening. I just don't see some of the reactions occurring the way they do in this movie. I know that I would react completely different than any of the characters in the movie, so if I cannot connect with the characters or the events taking place in the movie, then you can usually count me out.

I am really interested in the newer version of the movie, because I think that the material translates well to being scary in any age, but this version failed to connect with me, and that will make me not recommend this movie to any friends. People I don't like.... maybe.

Click here to read reviews of the original Amityville Horror

Day Six: Shaun of the Dead

2008-10-28T21:23:00.005-04:00

I really hate it when people review a horror movie and try and tell you that it is a social commentary about the current times. For example, the movie Dawn of the Dead (the original) is often referred as a social commentary of the time. As taken from Roger Ebert's review of the movie: "Their eventual fates are not as interesting as their behavior in the meantime; there is nothing quite like a plague of zombies to wonderfully focus your attention on what really matters to you. Romero has his own ideas, too, and the shopping center becomes a brilliant setting for a series of comic and satiric situations: Some low humor, some exquisitely sly." I cannot stand this. The movie is a horror movie and is just trying to scare people. It is not social commentary. Okay, I feel better now.

That being said, Shaun of the Dead is a social commentary on the state of the world and the zombie-like way that people go about their daily lives. The movie opens up to Shaun (Simon Pegg) getting ready for his day at work and then progresses through a normal day in the life of Shaun. This includes walking by people on the street on his way to the convenience mart, completely oblivious to his surroundings and others people's presence, as those he passes are likewise completely oblivious to Shaun's presence. It includes a ride on the bus to his work surrounded in the bus by people that are just going through the motions, rather zombie-like. It includes sitting at a local pub with his friends after work surrounded by others that are just hanging around the bar in a daze, again rather zombie-like. It cleverly pokes fun of other horror films along the way, sometimes subtle, and sometimes by crashing the absurdity of horror films over your head in hopes to sever our zombie-like brains from the stem. Even when it is not subtle, it is not as silly or ridiculous as the Scary Movie franchise, and does not lose its credibility in its delivery.

Generally, I am on the fence when it comes to zombie movies. I really like 28 Days Later, but I really hated 28 Weeks Later. I really like the original Dawn of the Dead, but cannot stand Land of the Dead. I think Shaun of the Dead is a clever movie, has some decent horror aspects to it, and is just an overall fun movie to watch. The acting is really good, the pace is perfect for the buildup to the zombie scenes, and the satire is thick, but not too thick to prevent enjoyment of the movie. I highly recommend it whether you like OR loathe zombie movies.

Click here to read reviews of Shaun of the Dead

Day Five: Lady in White

2008-10-27T18:12:00.007-04:00

So the last few days I feel like I have hit stride in my quest for ten days of horror. I hit a small speed bump with Children of the Corn, and since then I recovered well with The Frighteners and Sweeney Todd, so I felt like I needed to keep the momentum going. I have owned Lady in White by Frank LaLoggia for a few years now, and never got around to watching this on DVD. I think that I have seen this movie close to ten times on HBO when I was growing up back in the late 80s, early 90s.

The funny thing is that with all the times I have seen the movie, I do not remember the first ten minutes at all. Maybe I never watched the first ten minutes before since it was on HBO, I probably came in late each time watching it. Without the cable box built-in guide, we had to rely on TV Guide or the local paper for our show times, so catching a movie on time often didn't happen unless you rented the movie.

So I wanted to do this movie mainly because I have great memories of it from when I was a child, and because it takes place over Halloween. The story centers around Frankie Scarlatti (played by Lukas Haas), a budding author in grade school who is considered weird by his fellow students. He begins to have visions of a young girl that had some traumatic experience that somehow links to his life.

I really like this movie... it has the typical 80s fluff feel but still manages to also have a more ominous presence to it. This was a pretty low budget independent film, but does not show it. The movie's effects for the time are really good, the acting in the movie is probably as good as you're going to get for kids, and the adult acting is perfectly serviceable. This movie provides you with a relatively good twist, back from a time where twists were not yet trendy. The twist really pays off because of the time and effort that is taken in telling the story and setting up the characters. Even though I would not classify this movie as a true Horror, I truly recommend this movie for anybody trying to get into the Halloween mood.

Click here to read reviews of Lady in White

Day Four: Sweeney Todd

2008-10-27T07:52:00.005-04:00

So I saw a live play version of this story in Chicago some years back, and I have been hesitant to see the movie for fear that I would not be able to enjoy it due to a bias from my younger years of seeing it on stage. My memories of Sweeney Todd on stage is not only a great memory, but it is how I lost my virginity to stage productions. So as they say, you always remember your first.

The one bright point that has always attracted me to the film version was that it was being done by Tim Burton (and we would get to hear Johnny Depp and Sacha Cohen sing). I thought that if anyone could capture the mood of the and translate it to the silver screen, it could only be Burton.

Much to my surprise, the movie is rather enjoyable, and also captures the original emotion that I remember from the play. Burton brings his signature sets and darkness to the play in a way that makes you feel like the story was written to be made by him specifically.

As would be expected, Johnny Depp immerses himself into the role of Sweeney Todd, the barber that was wrongly convicted by a judge that had plans for his wife. Once returned from exile, Todd comes to find that his wife has poisoned herself, launching Todd into a plan for revenge that would lead to a lot of slit throats and meat pies. I couldn't help but eat a shepherd's pie immediately following the movie. The other actors/actresses in the film are just as good at selling their roles. Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman are both very convincing in their interpretations as Mrs Lovett and the Judge respectively. Sacha Baron Cohen casts off his comical leash and gets the opportunity to show off his acting chops. Even though his role is short-lived (literally), he shines as the over-the-top street peddling barber.

Without giving too much away for the sake of those that have not seen the movie, I will not go too deeply into the spoiling of the plot. I will just highly recommend this movie to all that would like to see a musical horror movie (not that it isn't a bit of a contradiction from the realm of Hollywood) over this spooky holiday season. Just know that you are going to get the Burton and Depp that you have come to expect, and while some of the original material from the musical is cut (I assume for the sake of time, since the movie comes in just over 2 hours long), be sure that this version is a loyal, albeit fantastic, representation of the Sondheim original.

See Reviews for the movie Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Day Three: The Frighteners

2008-10-24T08:30:00.009-04:00

So after a setback on day two of the 10 Days of Horror, I pushed on to try and finish out the final eight days of my movie marathon. I think people have been feeling my pain after watching Children of the Corn yesterday, because they have been walking up to me with Dixie cups filled with watered-down Gatorade and towels to wipe myself down with. So as the marathon continues and I fight through the movie cramps that pop up during my trek, I keep looking ahead to better movies.

So hoping to rebound from the last movie, I decided to go with a little lighter fare and watch a "horror" movie that is a little more fun. I chose The Frighteners by Peter Jackson, which I think often times gets lost in the shuffle of good horror movies because it is actually a good all-around film. This was also Peter Jackson's first non-independent film so it gave him the budget to use around 500 CG shots, leading to his first thoughts of creating the Lord of the Rings films that he would make a few years later.

The film opens with a death in an eerie house in the middle of a thunderstorm. After the death we cut to a news writer creating a story about many recent deaths, and referring to death as an entity casting a dark shadow over the town. So in the span of 7 minutes Jackson does a wonderful job of setting the tone, introducing his main character, and describing the central theme to the story. So the story centers around Frank (Michael J. Fox), a psychic detective that can see and communicate with dead people (pre-Sixth Sense). He uses this ability to con people into thinking their houses are haunted, so that he can come in and charge them money for "cleaning" their house. So that the movie does not slip into the ranks of pure comedy, we learn that Frank can see an emblazoned number on the foreheads of "death's" victims. That number comes to represent the order in which the people are dying within the town. The story intensifies as it progresses and while it never completely loses its humor, it definitely becomes darker in tone as the movie works its way toward the conclusion.

The movie, like most Jackson films, is very well-made. The camera angles, the lighting, the effects, and the story are all great. I often forget how great of an actor that Michael J. Fox was before he became sick. He definitely has a style to his acting that carries over from role to role, but I always believed he was the character he was playing.

I really like this movie, I think it is fun and engaging, and while it never takes itself too seriously, it still manages to create thrills and scares throughout the movie. I highly recommend this movie as not a hardcore horror movie, but a fun thriller that can clean the funk off of a Corny scary movie. Pun intended.

Click Here to See Reviews for The Frighteners

Some Call It Women's Intuition, I Call It a Bald Man's Dream

2008-10-23T23:26:00.010-04:00

As a man that prefers baldness to a bad hairline, I spend a lot of time in the shower during the week making sure that my head is evenly shaved. This poses a time management issue for me as well as an internal struggle weighing the pros and cons of taking the time to look like a hardass vs. just letting it grow out and getting a haircut once a month like a normal person.

So one of the major problems with shaving my head is that I am a perfectionist and if there is any stubble in a particular area I will keep shaving that section from different angles until the area is smooth. Well needless to say, this leads to a razor burn that would rival the sting of Casanova's urination in his later years.

I was going through my normal beautification process yesterday morning while getting ready for a visit to a customer location. I decided that it would be as good a day as any for shaving my head (due to the razor burn, I try and limit this ritual to once every three days or so). It was at this point that I encountered a slight problem. My current razor (and as I found out, my only remaining razor) was so dull that I could have shaved with sandpaper and gotten the same result. Well normally I would accept this as a defeat and move on to fight the razor burn another day. The only problem is that I realized how dull my razor was only after shaving a nice path down the middle of my head. Not the smartest place to start shaving, but I digress. So in a panic I made a quick decision that resulted in a wonderful life-altering event that I will now store up on the shelf beside memories of my first Brazilian wax, and that one Christmas where I woke up and found my taxi-cab yellow Western Flyer bicycle with the banana seat.

In my haste, I grabbed my wife's Intuition razor and started shaving away. After about 10 swipes that felt like nothing was happening on my head, I ran my fingers along my head to assess the stubble factor where the razor had been. To my ultimate surprise there was no stubble, and better yet, I felt nothing on my head.

I thought this must be too good to be true, so I proceeded to continue shaving in some of the harder areas on my head that consistently result in razor burn (So much so that I can usually feel the onset of razor burn as I am shaving the area). No matter how hard I tried, and no matter where I shaved, it was like a dream... no razor burn, and best of all, it was so smooth that it felt as if I was just running lotion over my head.

At this point I felt as if I had just discovered the secret handshake to get into that tree house I had been eyeing my whole childhood. I felt like I knew the secret hand gesture to women that shave with intuitions, similar to the little hand gesture you always see bikers and volkswagen drivers give each other when they pass on the road.

So instead of the morning fog that usually hangs around in my head for a good hour to start my morning, I felt a little lighter on my feet (could've just been the weight loss of shaving the hair from my head) and had a positive outlook on the day. So I feel the need to interrupt my 10 Days of Horror series to make sure that the men out there everywhere can benefit from my discovery.

Next Article: Shaving yourself to better aerodynamics...

Day Two: Children of the Corn

2008-10-22T21:34:00.008-04:00

So day two hits and I feel like I am already hitting the wall. Maybe I should have ended with Suspiria, but already viewing Suspiria yesterday has led me to try and find the eject button to this ten day madness. I am not sure what I think that I saw in this movie back when I originally saw it, but this movie is not very good.

So the premise goes something like this. Some kids decide to kill all the people in the town older than 19 years of age. Then at an undisclosed time in the near future some travlers happen upon the town by accident. Why? Because surprisingly they decided to not stay on the main highway and wanted to sight-see. Horror ensues.

So there are some eerie scenes in the movie that do make you think twice about walking into a cornfield. In fact, I just recently went to a pumpking patch with the whole fam damily and wouldn't you know they had the obligatory corn maze. Now it never fails that whenever I go through a corn maze, I cannot help but think about Children of the Corn. So I guess on some level the movie has stuck with me over time, which I guess is half the battle. I think the fact that I saw this movie while I was a kid might say something about the fact that it scared me and has since stuck with me, but now as an adult (in body only) I feel that the charm and original fear that the movie delivered is no longer there.

So there I was watching this movie, and instead of being engulfed by it or scared from the scenes, I am sitting there picking apart the movie scene by scene. Which in my mind says something about the movie. So I find it interesting that the kids in the town kill all the adults, yet no one in the neighboring towns seems to care. In fact, the only link the movie has to the outside world, besides our two protagonists, is an old man at the gas station who oddly enough has done nothing about the fact that the kids are now ruling the town in their post-murderous rampage. I mean seriously, tell the next delivery man of gasonline that the psycho kids have killed everyone. Pick up that square thing that has the rotary dialer and call the number of the police (pre-911).

Not to mention that when I was a kid, anyone looking like Isaac would have been beaten on and made fun of... not followed by the a townfull of kids. Now I was not the type that would have done the beating, but I would have been the type to do the laughing when some other kid gave him an atomic wedgie... oh well. I guess the main moral of this story is beat on the nerdy kid, and when you get older, never leave the highway to sight-see. Check, and check.

So with problems like these floating around in my head I often have a hard time taking a movie seriously. So tomorrow I really have nowhere to go but up. I am not sure if I meant to do this, but two movies in a row, I have seen an actor/actress in their younger form before they became famous. This movie's star in the making was Linda Hamilton (pictured right), now known from her Terminator fame. Now obviously she became more famous than Udo Kier from Suspiria, but still, I sense a theme emerging.

Read Children of the Corn Reviews Here